" " I tried saying something but nothing came out. I took dep breath and found my voice. I took another breath.
"H--Hi sweetie.." I stuttered. and swallowed hard and tried collecting my thoughts. A baby? Three years? Why didn't she call me before? She said she aborted it. She lied..
"What's your name babygirl?" I asked. Trying to fight back tears that were surfacing.
"her name is Tawnie" Caro intercepted. But I heard my baby
"No. No. Momma my name Annabeth member?" Caroline lied. Again. She was incredible.
"Yes baby I'm sorry mommie's a silly goose." Caroline said she was obviously a better mother than person.
"What a beautiful name baby girl." i said and my work phone rang.
"Who's that?" Caro asked.
"None of your buisness my life if it was jabluclifock than its jabluclifock ok none of YOUR business." I said practically yelling at her. But I took a minute to compose myself and spoke again. "When can I see my baby?" she laughed.
"What do you mean YOUR baby? It was supposed to be aborted. I called for child support." She stated very clear. I shooke my head
"What do you mean child support!? I didn't know I had this child! I wasn't in her life for 3 years!! And you think I'm going to pay child support for a child I haven't even met? No sweetheart your very wrong. Now, WHEN can I see MY child?" I was growing very impatient with her.
"How bout next weekend?" She said. I nodded to myself and just replied that's fine. We made plans and hung up. Me? A child? Oh Lord help me.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
the truth hurts pt 10
"What baby?" I said still in shock.
"Your baby girl. You should see her she's beautiful. She's 3." I couldn't say anything then I heard a tiny child voice in the back. A baby. Crying for her mother.
"mama? Mama?!" the baby cried.
"Caroline. Let me talk to her." I whispered my voice returning to me.
"ok. Baby it's daddy. Dada"
"Dada?" The baby girls voice so smooth, delicate, like velvet. I smiled at the voice. I tried repling but nothing came out.
"Daddy?" She said again.
"Your baby girl. You should see her she's beautiful. She's 3." I couldn't say anything then I heard a tiny child voice in the back. A baby. Crying for her mother.
"mama? Mama?!" the baby cried.
"Caroline. Let me talk to her." I whispered my voice returning to me.
"ok. Baby it's daddy. Dada"
"Dada?" The baby girls voice so smooth, delicate, like velvet. I smiled at the voice. I tried repling but nothing came out.
"Daddy?" She said again.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Poems: Dead? Or Stress?
I'm frustrated.
Trapped by 4 walls. No where to venture to no where to hide.
Just 4 walls that make an empty room full of shame.
You sit and ponder thinking
"Why me?"
Then those walls start closing in and you feel like your dieing.
Frustration is like that you start off stressed but by the end...
Your dead.
Whether it's murder. Or suicide. Or natural causes.
But your dead
Trapped by 4 walls. No where to venture to no where to hide.
Just 4 walls that make an empty room full of shame.
You sit and ponder thinking
"Why me?"
Then those walls start closing in and you feel like your dieing.
Frustration is like that you start off stressed but by the end...
Your dead.
Whether it's murder. Or suicide. Or natural causes.
But your dead
Monday, November 14, 2011
The truth hurts pt9
So she does like me. She's toying me and I don't think I like it. She wants me to chase her but I don't know if that will happen. She wants me to want her and I do I just don't know if I should.
"Hello?" I answered my phone.
"Hey Johnny. How have you been?" Caroline.
"Caro how did you get my number? Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?"
"But bab--"
"Don't call me that Caroline." She giggled. Her giggle like Natalies.
"Goodbye Caroline.."
"John don't you want to know how your baby is?"
I froze. What? I thought she aborted it.
"Hello?" I answered my phone.
"Hey Johnny. How have you been?" Caroline.
"Caro how did you get my number? Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?"
"But bab--"
"Don't call me that Caroline." She giggled. Her giggle like Natalies.
"Goodbye Caroline.."
"John don't you want to know how your baby is?"
I froze. What? I thought she aborted it.
poem: masks
Smiles don't mean anything anymore....... Neither do frowns or any other expressions.......
They're just masks you hide behind.
But what about when someone rips your mask off?
Then what?
You stand there.
In shock.
Identity-less......
Don't be what other people want you to be.
DON'T hide behind your masks.
The masks you make to hide behind
They're just masks you hide behind.
But what about when someone rips your mask off?
Then what?
You stand there.
In shock.
Identity-less......
Don't be what other people want you to be.
DON'T hide behind your masks.
The masks you make to hide behind
Sunday, November 13, 2011
poem: payback
Revenge.
What is it?
It's their just desserts.
It's your happiness and stress relieved.
Revenge is never the answer.....
Well....
Sometimes it is....
:)
What is it?
It's their just desserts.
It's your happiness and stress relieved.
Revenge is never the answer.....
Well....
Sometimes it is....
:)
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The truth hurts pt 8
"No. I didn't. He killed me." She replied.
"Please elaborate on this phrase." I said pushing feelings aside.
"Which phrase?" She was toying with me.
"The phrase 'No. I didn't. He killed me.' That phrase Natalie." She was getting in my head.
"Well I don't know what you want me to say. No means like I did not. I is me. Didn't is like did not. He is--"
"Natalie no. You know thats NOT what I meant." She smiled very devishly and my heart started racing.
* * * *
He looked uneasy. I laughed and he trembled. This man feared me, I've done no wrong though.
"John if you want to know how he killed me you could just ask." I smiled and tried to reassure him I did no wrong.
"Yes, Natalie if you must tell me I'd be more than happy to hear your story." He replied, recollecting his thoughts.
"Well let's see. Maybe it was because he abused me. Or maybe it was how he cheated on me. Or I don't know the constant cursing and fighting." I felt tears rising and I looked down and swallowed my tears and lost my voice by then.
"Natalie how come you didn't call the police?" He continued without hesitation.
I had had enough for one day. I got up and tried opening the door. John nodded and butthead Diaz opened the door with his big gun. I turned got handcuffed and then I was escorted home with 3 guards. 2 males and 1 female to watch over me.
"Bye Johnny." I whispered on my way out.
"Bye..." He said
** **
"Please elaborate on this phrase." I said pushing feelings aside.
"Which phrase?" She was toying with me.
"The phrase 'No. I didn't. He killed me.' That phrase Natalie." She was getting in my head.
"Well I don't know what you want me to say. No means like I did not. I is me. Didn't is like did not. He is--"
"Natalie no. You know thats NOT what I meant." She smiled very devishly and my heart started racing.
* * * *
He looked uneasy. I laughed and he trembled. This man feared me, I've done no wrong though.
"John if you want to know how he killed me you could just ask." I smiled and tried to reassure him I did no wrong.
"Yes, Natalie if you must tell me I'd be more than happy to hear your story." He replied, recollecting his thoughts.
"Well let's see. Maybe it was because he abused me. Or maybe it was how he cheated on me. Or I don't know the constant cursing and fighting." I felt tears rising and I looked down and swallowed my tears and lost my voice by then.
"Natalie how come you didn't call the police?" He continued without hesitation.
I had had enough for one day. I got up and tried opening the door. John nodded and butthead Diaz opened the door with his big gun. I turned got handcuffed and then I was escorted home with 3 guards. 2 males and 1 female to watch over me.
"Bye Johnny." I whispered on my way out.
"Bye..." He said
** **
Poem: Pain
Blood, Sweat, Tears, Bruises
Just some of the things you go through.
It takes hardwork and dedication.
You put a smile on even when you want to cry.
You suck it up pop the bone back into place and continue.
That.
Is.
Dance.
Dance. Is. My. Life.
I live pain
Just some of the things you go through.
It takes hardwork and dedication.
You put a smile on even when you want to cry.
You suck it up pop the bone back into place and continue.
That.
Is.
Dance.
Dance. Is. My. Life.
I live pain
Poem: Hugs and Kisses
Hugs are people's way of saying I feel sorry for you.
Your a sorry self person.
Kisses are people's way of saying my hugs aren't working.
So I'm making your life less pathetic.
Your welcome.
Next time tell them this.
YOUR a pathetic sorry selfed person.
Thank you very much.
Then you win. No hugs no kisses, no pity.
But they can kiss it. ;)
Your a sorry self person.
Kisses are people's way of saying my hugs aren't working.
So I'm making your life less pathetic.
Your welcome.
Next time tell them this.
YOUR a pathetic sorry selfed person.
Thank you very much.
Then you win. No hugs no kisses, no pity.
But they can kiss it. ;)
Poem: Hearts?
Is it true what they say?
With everyheartbreak your closer to your happily ever after.
I doon't believe that.
We live in the real world.
There is NO happily ever after!
There's always fighting and arguing. Tears and screams.
So those of you who believe your prince charming will come.
I'm sorry to say.....
HE WON'T
With everyheartbreak your closer to your happily ever after.
I doon't believe that.
We live in the real world.
There is NO happily ever after!
There's always fighting and arguing. Tears and screams.
So those of you who believe your prince charming will come.
I'm sorry to say.....
HE WON'T
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Poem: Love, Live, Die
Love. Live. Die.
What does that mean?
Love as if you've never loved before.
As f you've never been heart broken before.
Live like tomorrow is the end of the world.
Like you have one day to do all that you want.
Die peacefully, at peace.
Knowing you've done all that you wanted to do.
What does that mean?
Love as if you've never loved before.
As f you've never been heart broken before.
Live like tomorrow is the end of the world.
Like you have one day to do all that you want.
Die peacefully, at peace.
Knowing you've done all that you wanted to do.
Poem: Smiles, Tears and memories
Tears cleanse the soul
Smiles are the windows to your heart
Giggles is the pain washing away
Laughs are the good memories flooding back
Weeps, and screams are all the sad memories rushing back all at once hitting you like bullets
Frowns are things you wish you could have but didn't do
Smiles are the windows to your heart
Giggles is the pain washing away
Laughs are the good memories flooding back
Weeps, and screams are all the sad memories rushing back all at once hitting you like bullets
Frowns are things you wish you could have but didn't do
Friday, October 28, 2011
The truth hurts pt 7
"We were fighting... He got mad.. I had an email from a guy friend... It was a joke... I don't remember much... He screamed and yelled.. Then..." She flinched. I looked up from the file.
"Go on."
"He lifted his hand at me. Smiled. And smacked me. All I remember is him laughing. Punching walls making holes in them and then he stormed out."
I could see the pain in her eyes she was abused by the man she thought loved her.
"Ms. Rollen can you tell me how he asked you out the first time?" ShI smiled faintly.
"We were friends at first. One day he was sitting next to me in class he looked at me and smiled." She looked at her wrist and twitched a smile.
"He passed me a note. I opened it, I smiled as soon as I read it. It said simply. 'I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?' with a smily face. I nodded and that was that." I got up and walk and pulled her chair back. Sat on the table directly infront of her.
"Did you kill him?"
"Go on."
"He lifted his hand at me. Smiled. And smacked me. All I remember is him laughing. Punching walls making holes in them and then he stormed out."
I could see the pain in her eyes she was abused by the man she thought loved her.
"Ms. Rollen can you tell me how he asked you out the first time?" ShI smiled faintly.
"We were friends at first. One day he was sitting next to me in class he looked at me and smiled." She looked at her wrist and twitched a smile.
"He passed me a note. I opened it, I smiled as soon as I read it. It said simply. 'I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?' with a smily face. I nodded and that was that." I got up and walk and pulled her chair back. Sat on the table directly infront of her.
"Did you kill him?"
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The truth hurts pt 6
When she said that I had a flashback. I was a little boy, no much older than 5. I remember my father being angry at my mother. My mother crying, tears streaming down her face screaming at him. All heard was curse words and fighting. I locked my self in my play room. Later I heard moving around I walked outside in the hall into their bathroom to see my father pushing my mom into the tub. All I heard was my mother screaming
"Just let me go!" Reapeatedly. While my father sprayed her with boiling hot water. He looked at me.
"Get out! Go to your room!"
I felt a hand layon my arm I blinked a couple times and Natalie wiped some tears off me because I was apparently tearing up.
"Mr. Davis? Are you ok?" Ms. Rollen asked
"Yes. Thank you Ms. Rollen. So. Can you tell me the first time he abused you?"
"Well......" She went deep into thought. She flinched a couple of times. Then looked at me with a scared look on her face.
"Just let me go!" Reapeatedly. While my father sprayed her with boiling hot water. He looked at me.
"Get out! Go to your room!"
I felt a hand layon my arm I blinked a couple times and Natalie wiped some tears off me because I was apparently tearing up.
"Mr. Davis? Are you ok?" Ms. Rollen asked
"Yes. Thank you Ms. Rollen. So. Can you tell me the first time he abused you?"
"Well......" She went deep into thought. She flinched a couple of times. Then looked at me with a scared look on her face.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
the truth hurts pt 5
She looked at me. She smiled very devilishly.
"Morning Mr. Davis."
"Isn't it a good one?" I asked trying to scare her a bit.
"Not particularly. I mean I'm in a jail. What would you do in my position? John is it?"
"Yes it is. And I'd probably pray a whole lot so that God can protect me. Are you religious Ms.--"
"Natalie." She said interuppting me.
"Natalie." I reassured.
"No, John, I am not religious. Well according to my parents I'm Christian."
"Ms. Natalie saying you are and being are two entirely different things. I could say I try to be perfect and I could say I am. You see two entirely different things."
She smiled. Then Sargent Diaz dropped her file onto the table along with a picture of her boyfriend.
"ahem." he said. I fixed my tie and cleared my throat.
"Ms. Rollen, can you tell me who this man is?" I questioned as I pointed to a picture of her boyfriend. He was a white man. Blue eyes, blonde hair, attractive I guess.
"That..That's my boyfriend....."
"Yes yes it is. Can you tell me why you feared him?" She became very jittery.
"He.....used to beat me.... And if I talked to a guy he would beat me even harder.. I couldnt have guy friends....." She looked into my eyes, I was falling in love with a woman who could or couldnt have killed her boyfriend.
"Ms. Rollen would you like a tissue?"
"Yes please."
"John." someone in the overhead speaker called.
"excusez-moi" I said in french not expecting her to understand
"c'est ok" she replied in french
"Merci." I left the room. I came back and Diaz was staring at Natalie. Holding none other than his AK47.
"Natalie. Why did you kill him?" I said, slamming my hand onto the table. She replied in French
"Je n'ai pas, je voulais juste qu'il me laisse aller"
"English please."
"I didnt I just wanted him to let me go."
"Morning Mr. Davis."
"Isn't it a good one?" I asked trying to scare her a bit.
"Not particularly. I mean I'm in a jail. What would you do in my position? John is it?"
"Yes it is. And I'd probably pray a whole lot so that God can protect me. Are you religious Ms.--"
"Natalie." She said interuppting me.
"Natalie." I reassured.
"No, John, I am not religious. Well according to my parents I'm Christian."
"Ms. Natalie saying you are and being are two entirely different things. I could say I try to be perfect and I could say I am. You see two entirely different things."
She smiled. Then Sargent Diaz dropped her file onto the table along with a picture of her boyfriend.
"ahem." he said. I fixed my tie and cleared my throat.
"Ms. Rollen, can you tell me who this man is?" I questioned as I pointed to a picture of her boyfriend. He was a white man. Blue eyes, blonde hair, attractive I guess.
"That..That's my boyfriend....."
"Yes yes it is. Can you tell me why you feared him?" She became very jittery.
"He.....used to beat me.... And if I talked to a guy he would beat me even harder.. I couldnt have guy friends....." She looked into my eyes, I was falling in love with a woman who could or couldnt have killed her boyfriend.
"Ms. Rollen would you like a tissue?"
"Yes please."
"John." someone in the overhead speaker called.
"excusez-moi" I said in french not expecting her to understand
"c'est ok" she replied in french
"Merci." I left the room. I came back and Diaz was staring at Natalie. Holding none other than his AK47.
"Natalie. Why did you kill him?" I said, slamming my hand onto the table. She replied in French
"Je n'ai pas, je voulais juste qu'il me laisse aller"
"English please."
"I didnt I just wanted him to let me go."
the truth hurts pt 4
I looked at her mug shot. She was so beautiful, so innocent how could a woman like this be accused of such murder. I stared at her shot she had exquisite brown hair that laid right above her rear end. Her eyes were a deep green; they were so hard to look through. She always looked scared; she was very petite. It was about 7:45 am when Diaz walked in with the AK47.
"Diaz. Why the heck are you carrying that darn gun?" He chuckled.
"Come on John lighten up don't tell me your not scared this nuts going to try and kill us. And if she does I'm ready." I looked at him.
"You are stupid. She's a young woman. She's not going to hurt you. I don't think she did it anyway. She's 21 and has a clean record. She's beautiful and--"
"Oh no Johnny Cakes do not fall in love with this criminal." Diaz put his big hand on my shoulder.
"Ok for one I'm not Johnny Cakes. I wasn't in the outsiders and two who I said I was falling in love?" I fixed my tie and Arthur Diaz laughed.
"Johnny boy you are always falling in "love" but always get hurt just be careful you don't want this one killing you like she did her boyfriend."
I shuddered at the thought. Then Natalie Rollen walked in. They let her wear her own clothes today. She came in with a pencil fitted skirt, which if I may say looked good, and a white blouse. She wore black heels and her hair pulled out of her face.
"Good morning Ms. Rollen." I said fixing my tie again......
"Diaz. Why the heck are you carrying that darn gun?" He chuckled.
"Come on John lighten up don't tell me your not scared this nuts going to try and kill us. And if she does I'm ready." I looked at him.
"You are stupid. She's a young woman. She's not going to hurt you. I don't think she did it anyway. She's 21 and has a clean record. She's beautiful and--"
"Oh no Johnny Cakes do not fall in love with this criminal." Diaz put his big hand on my shoulder.
"Ok for one I'm not Johnny Cakes. I wasn't in the outsiders and two who I said I was falling in love?" I fixed my tie and Arthur Diaz laughed.
"Johnny boy you are always falling in "love" but always get hurt just be careful you don't want this one killing you like she did her boyfriend."
I shuddered at the thought. Then Natalie Rollen walked in. They let her wear her own clothes today. She came in with a pencil fitted skirt, which if I may say looked good, and a white blouse. She wore black heels and her hair pulled out of her face.
"Good morning Ms. Rollen." I said fixing my tie again......
Thursday, October 20, 2011
the truth hurts pt 3
I didn't feel like doing anything it was about 12:45am. I walked into my kitchen and drank some milk. Something moved behind me. I turned back.
"MOM! Geez scared the living daylights out of me! What are you doing out of bed? You should be sleeping." My mother Mable was 54. She got up, trembling.
"Son....." She started. Her tone very sympathetic.
"Mom. What happened? Is dad ok? Are you?"
She looked down and then smiled up at me.
"Jonathan... You know we love you...But your 23 you need to move out... Your father and I are moving into a home in 10 days. You have 9 days to move out." She didn't look back up at me. She left the room. I sat and thought.
Where in the heck am I supposed to find a place in 9 days????
I went to sleep. I dreamt with Natalie. She was guillty. But not of killing her boyfriend. Of what then?? I don't know but I'll find out.
Then next morning I woke up and took forever to get dressed. Why? I don't know. I put on my pin stripe suit. Black of course. And my black leather shoes. I looked good. I snapped a picture.
I left for work. Passing by starbucks buying myself a java chip frappacino. I got in at around 6:15 am.
I started reading Natalie's file. Clean. Not one wrong thing until now.
"MOM! Geez scared the living daylights out of me! What are you doing out of bed? You should be sleeping." My mother Mable was 54. She got up, trembling.
"Son....." She started. Her tone very sympathetic.
"Mom. What happened? Is dad ok? Are you?"
She looked down and then smiled up at me.
"Jonathan... You know we love you...But your 23 you need to move out... Your father and I are moving into a home in 10 days. You have 9 days to move out." She didn't look back up at me. She left the room. I sat and thought.
Where in the heck am I supposed to find a place in 9 days????
I went to sleep. I dreamt with Natalie. She was guillty. But not of killing her boyfriend. Of what then?? I don't know but I'll find out.
Then next morning I woke up and took forever to get dressed. Why? I don't know. I put on my pin stripe suit. Black of course. And my black leather shoes. I looked good. I snapped a picture.
I left for work. Passing by starbucks buying myself a java chip frappacino. I got in at around 6:15 am.
I started reading Natalie's file. Clean. Not one wrong thing until now.
The truth hurts pt 2
I stuck the key in the ignition. I felt a sudden chill run up my back, I left the parking garage into the pitch black night. As I drove on the highway I looked up through the sunroof of my mercedis, not a star in sight. I kept hearing Natalies words in my head.
I just wanted him to let me go.
I turned the music up and tried drowning the thoughts of Natalie Rollen.......
My phone started ringing. I looked at it. My sister, I sighed and answered it.
"Hello?" I said bleakly through the phone.
"OUCH! What's wrong little brother? Mommie won't cook what you want?" She laughed. So maybe I still do live with my mom. So what? I'm only 23.
"Nancy that's enough." I heard a slur in her voice as she spoke.
"Are you drinking?" I asked
"No.........." she said laughing
"What happened?" I said with a sting. My sister was 30 and never drank only when depressed.
"He....He left..." she said calming down
"Oh." I replied. Being a mother of 2 is hard enough but when your husband leaves. It has got to be super hard.
"I'm sorry Nanc." I hung up before she could answer. I trudged into my house. And turned on my light.......
I just wanted him to let me go.
I turned the music up and tried drowning the thoughts of Natalie Rollen.......
My phone started ringing. I looked at it. My sister, I sighed and answered it.
"Hello?" I said bleakly through the phone.
"OUCH! What's wrong little brother? Mommie won't cook what you want?" She laughed. So maybe I still do live with my mom. So what? I'm only 23.
"Nancy that's enough." I heard a slur in her voice as she spoke.
"Are you drinking?" I asked
"No.........." she said laughing
"What happened?" I said with a sting. My sister was 30 and never drank only when depressed.
"He....He left..." she said calming down
"Oh." I replied. Being a mother of 2 is hard enough but when your husband leaves. It has got to be super hard.
"I'm sorry Nanc." I hung up before she could answer. I trudged into my house. And turned on my light.......
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The truth hurts...... pt1
She looked at me. Beady eyes, a single drop of sweat ran down her pink rosey cheek. She stood up and paced. Not daring to make eye contact she walked to the door and tried opening it. I cleared my throat, she looked at my hands.
"Ms. Rollen? I asked you a question."
she glanced at me and then at the door.
"I just wanted him to let me go." she said quietly. I sighed, nodded at Sargent Diaz. He opened the door holding and AK47. I chuckled. Natalie Rollen walked out wearing an orange jail jumpsuit.
"John." someone said through the speaker.
I looked up and blinked.
"Go home. We can try again tomorrow"
I nodded, got up an walked out. The door slammed as it hit the door frame, everyone jumped except me I didnt look back I kept walking. Natalie's words haunting me.
I just wanted him to let me.
I trudged to my car. Looked for my keys and got it in.......
"Ms. Rollen? I asked you a question."
she glanced at me and then at the door.
"I just wanted him to let me go." she said quietly. I sighed, nodded at Sargent Diaz. He opened the door holding and AK47. I chuckled. Natalie Rollen walked out wearing an orange jail jumpsuit.
"John." someone said through the speaker.
I looked up and blinked.
"Go home. We can try again tomorrow"
I nodded, got up an walked out. The door slammed as it hit the door frame, everyone jumped except me I didnt look back I kept walking. Natalie's words haunting me.
I just wanted him to let me.
I trudged to my car. Looked for my keys and got it in.......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)